Single Mama Drama

Single motherhood comes with its own set of dramatic challenges. I have been a single mom since pregnancy, went to every doctor appointment and sonogram appointment alone, dealt with labor on my own, my mom made it in time for my birth and had to rush out right after. I had to face so much all by myself and I didn’t at the time admit how much it hurt me but it did, so much.

I have the worlds most resilient woman for a mother and come from a family of strong women who push through every obstacle with no complaints so I didn’t acknowledge my depression during and after my pregnancy for a long while. It was rough, I didn’t want to victimize myself because so many other women were in worse positions than me but I felt such pain and fear. I wanted to be the best mom, to be financially secure, to have a great career and to stay sane and healthy. As a person who has suffered from anxiety all my life, bringing a human into this world multiplied those anxieties astronomically. Don’t get me wrong, Jackson has brought me so much joy and I’ve never in my life known any better love than motherhood, I just struggled so much to find balance and I felt lost. The truth is, I forgot about me for so long, I stopped caring for myself, thinking it would make me a better mom to devote myself entirely to my son, I was wrong.

I’ve adjusted my thought process, I realize loving others requires me loving myself and putting in the daily work to being the best version of me. Everyday gets the reset button, I have to get up and choose to love myself first, choose to see the positive in every situation and I have to choose to move forward no matter what gets thrown at me. But I also remind myself to stop, to rest when my body asks for it and to just fucking cry because parenthood is challenging, motherhood is challenging , single parenthood is challenging so let us cry about it every now and again! For every sleepless night, for every 4am vomit cleanup, for every tantrum you’ve contained, for every poop with a kid on your lap, for everyday you cried at work because you had to leave your baby behind to provide for them, for all the guilt of not being perfect, for all those tears and god for all those first words, for all those first steps, for all those milestones, for all those kisses and hugs, for keeping your houses livable, for putting dinner on your tables (even takeout), for being able to shower and dress yourself tooo, applaud yourselves! Man, it took me so long to be proud of who I am and of the kind of woman I’ve grown to be, especially after becoming a mom but I am so proud. I may not have it all figured out but I got this, I’m confident that I’m where I need to be and that everyday I get closer to figuring out this whole balance thing.

Ladies, we are so hard on ourselves, we always are wondering if we’re doing enough and how can we do more well, I’m here to tell you, you are enough, you do enough! You are a superwoman and if you’re feeling overwhelmed, exhausted or lonely, I promise you, it’ll get better. Parenting is hard as it is, so give yourself a break! Love yourself first, no one can pour from an empty cup.

-with love